Thursday, September 26, 2013

Nature Lovin'.........?

I may have mentioned this before, but...............Jessica is CRAZY about taking pictures. She loves pictures. She gets excited about it and I really think she should turn that love into some kind of career.

Dear Jessica, BECOME A PHOTOGRAPHER! Or something.....

Sometimes, I get to go on these little adventures/photo shoots. The last adventure/photo shoot was also Mid-Autumn Festival AND the second day we celebrated Jessica's birthday. (Her birthday is 10.2, but she won't be in Kunming. So, we celebrated Jessica Day a few times this month. She's so nice...celebrate her twice! Because!)

Here's the thing. I don't like pictures as much as Jessica. I'm not really a fan of getting my picture taken. AND, sometimes, I have a really hard time taking her pictures seriously. Actually, I have a hard time taking any picture seriously. (Full disclosure.)

For example, Jessica wanted to take a picture of us standing by a tree. I was having a really hard time keeping a straight face around the tree. She was posing with the tree between us like it was our friend, or something. Well, I'm not sure what she was doing. I probably should have asked. But, I couldn't stop thinking about the new tree friend.
So, I started goofing off a wee bit......



I couldn't just take a normal picture. I practically started playing patty cake with her. So, I don't really blame her for commenting on my weirdness. She just wanted her good picture!
But, I told her I couldn't do it. I told her I couldn't take a serious picture with a tree....I had to...I don't know....vogue...................
And that is how this magic happened:




You're welcome. 





Monday, September 23, 2013

Student Conversations (2)

Well, ye olde fan page is going to retire this week. Because having two pages on Facebook is twice as annoying as only having one page on Facebook.
So, here are the rest of the fan page conversations with students. If there are future funny conversations (before my triumphant return)...look no further than ye olde profile.


June 5:
Me: I'm sorry this is your last class, but it has been an honor and a pleasure to be your teacher.
Elena: Leah. You were born in 1978. I was born in 1977. I am only older one year. You are not my teacher, but now we can be sisters and friends.


June 13:

Sunny: Steve, come here. Leah. Leah, will you shouting? Will you shout - Sunny and Steve, shut up!
Me: Ummmm....(shouts) Sunny and Steve, shut up! (normal voice) Like that?
Sunny: (turns to Steve) See? Is so loud. (walks away)
????????????????

June 18:

Me: (Reading) That's dangerous.
Jack: (Singing) DANGEROUS! Michael Jackson. He is die.
Me: He is dead. He died. Now I'm sad.
Jack: MICHAEL JACKSON!
Me: ................Let's keep reading..........

June 25:

Me: What animal do you like?
Her: Cat. I like cat.
Me: Cats. Okay. What color cats do you like? I like orange cats. And you?
Her: I like pink cat.
Me: There are no pink cats. What color cats do you like? Brown, white, black, orange?
Her: (gets real serious) I want like pink cat.

June 27:

Me: Mickey, what are you doing? Please sit down.
Mickey: No.
Me: Why? Don't you want to talk to me?
Mickey: (sits in my lap and hugs me) I do. But, today I will also kill you.
Me: What? Why?
Mickey: (stands up) I will kill you. (PUNCHES ME IN THE THROAT)
Me: OW! WHAT THE.........OW! WHY?
Mickey: (giggles)

July 2:

Me: Do you understand?
Him: Yes. I know exactly your means.
Me: *sigh* 
Him: What?

July 13:

Me: Can you tell me something you like to smell and something you don't like to smell?
Him: I like smell flower. I not like smell sh*t.
Me: Ummm.......right. I....I like to smell....I don't like to smell......the grammar.......infinitive.....(and then I started laughing and someone asked me why my face was turning red.)

July 19:

Text: Leah, Vanilla gained the first prize in this spoken English! We should say "thank you" because you make her loves English and learns happily!!
..........THAT is why I'm still in a place that makes me cry all the time.........I live for moments like this.

Aug. 13:

Student: I have pet turtle.
Me: Cool. Does it eat pizza?
Student: What? NO! Turtle not eat pizza.
Me: I know four that do.
Student: ...........................no.
Me: ........................yes.

Aug. 16:

Me: Can you please listen? Focus.
Student: No. Okay. Yes. No. Yes. No. No. Yes.
Me: You won't like me when I'm angry.
Student: I not like you happy.
Me: ................That......that was a pretty good response.

Aug. 26:

Her: Leah, my birthday is 9/11.
Me: Cool! That is so close.
Her: But, is not a good day for you.
Me: Well...that doesn't........and?
(See how profound and deep I can be?)

Sep. 12:

Student: Hello, Leah.
Me: Hey. How are you today?
Student: I'm fan....I am fantas.....fantasteric.
Me: I like your new word.
Student: What?

Sep. 13:

Him: I kill zombies on computer.
Me: Could you kill a real zombie?
Him: There is no zombies in China or America.
Me: But, when there are...are you ready?
Him: Ummm....yes. Zombies must be die. Zombies is dirty.

Example...

Last month, I wrote a post about one of the (many) cultural differences. Remember? In this country, girls can basically go pants free and no one bats an eye.....but, cleavage?

Nay, you naughty vixen.

Here's an example of what I'm talking about:

Jessica and I were out for lunch and a drink and she took a picture of me with my gigantic espresso (that made me crazy/hyper for the rest of the day).
After she took the picture, she leaned over the table and pointed at my cleavage in the picture. "Oh, so deep." She laughed. I laughed. (Possibly for different reasons....)


Because.....what? Hahahahahahahahaha. You guys, I CANNOT wait for her to come visit me. I really hope she comes to visit me in California. Her eyes are going to POP out of her head.

Oh, Americans.......you naughty vixens..........

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

NOT ALLOWED!

I don't have a kitchen. I have a balcony with a sink and a hot plate. I never thought about missing something like counters, but man......I miss counters.

Anyway, my lack of counter space is not the point.

This is what happened today:

I pulled a tomato and some Chinese cabbage out of the fridge. (I love Chinese cabbage.) I grabbed a pot and walked out to the balcony. I set the pot on top of my tiny washing machine and washed the tomato. I cut the tomato......washed the cabbage.....put it all in the pot.

Just like yesterday.

I walked back inside to throw something away.

Just like yesterday.

I walked back out to grab the pot and fill it with water.......................

NOT LIKE YESTERDAY: A bee flew out of my cabbage and into my face.


THIS IS NOT ALLOWED TO EVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

I would like to thank my hands for not dropping the pot or throwing the pot off the balcony. I would like to thank my vocal chords for not making any weird noises. And even though I'm pretty sure I had three heart attacks....I would like to thank my heart for not actually stopping.

I don't like bees.