Friday, May 31, 2013

I guess I'll just say it.......

...........and I never thought I would say it.

But........here we go.

Fashion in this country (China) has finally made me understand the importance of the thong.

I said it!


That's all.

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Well, that's not cool...

So, I got out of my Thursday class. I DO NOT LIKE MY THURSDAY CLASS! But, this blog isn't about those kids sucking out my soul and spitting it in my face.
This is about what happened after.....you ready?

I got my things out of my office and went to wait for Jessica at her desk. Jessica came in after her class and was gathering her things. Another teacher came in and started a conversation with Jessica in Chinese. Jessica looked like a deer in headlights for a minute and then turned to me.
"We have to wait for other teachers and parents."
"Okay." I was playing a game on my iTouch and didn't really think too much about it.
"There are gangsters down on the seventh floor demanding money. They don't have guns, but they all have knives. Sharp knives."
I stopped my game. "Really?"
"Yes."
"Well, that's not cool...."

So, we waited for a crowd. We all shoved on the elevator and the doors closed. 
"Well, at least now the gang members can't get on the elevator with us."
Jessica cleared her throat and said, "They are all around the building."
"How do you know this?"
"A parent told one of the teachers to tell everyone. To be safe."
"Great........"

At this point, I started to get nervous. I've had people try to pick my pocket before. In fact, I've run into three thieves on the bus. But, this was new to me. This was the first time I felt like real danger was possible.
And I discovered that I really don't like that feeling. 
Anyway, the elevator stops on seven and the doors open. There they were. I could see six men from where I was standing. And they looked like gang members...like they were following stereotypes on purpose. They looked pretty angry that they couldn't fit on the elevator.
Honestly, I've felt uncomfortable in this country. I feel uncomfortable all the time, really. But, today was the first day that I felt a bit scared.

We got to the first floor....and the rest of the gang was in the lobby. They watched us all walk by and leave the building. I asked Jessica what was on the seventh floor, but she didn't know. 
Then she says, "I was kind of hoping they would be wearing suits."
"That's the mob. Those were gang members."
"Gangsters. I like the ones with suits. They look nicer."
"Jessica, that doesn't mean they won't kill you. They just look very nice in the suit while they kill you."

Then we laughed. Then I felt better. Well, mostly. I really wish I knew what was on the seventh floor of our building. I wish I knew if there was a chance of them coming back. Cause I did NOT like this feeling. Not cool. Not fun. 

So, how was your Thursday? Just peachy? 

INTERNET HUG!

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Le Freak Out.

It is Saturday afternoon. I'm home sick. I should be teaching my favorite class right now. But, instead, I'm in bed waiting for the next time I have to sprint to the bathroom.
Being sick in a country where you don't understand the medicine.......not fun.
But, that is not the point of the post. The point is: I just had a full on freak out.
Full on freak out about.............zombie flies.

Let me explain.

So many flies. When I open the door to my balcony...I swear they are all lined up outside like my apartment is a fly club. They just can't wait to get in AND I DON'T HAVE A BOUNCER!
So. They come in. And they annoy me. EVERY. DAY.
They annoy me for a few reasons. 1. They think my apartment is the place to be. 2. Flies in this country are slow. They meander around the apartment. I don't think you can call it real flying. They meander and drift about....occasionally run into things.......drunk flies! Maybe that is the problem!

Anyway. Like I said, I'm home sick today. So, I'm in bed, staring at the ceiling when...........
FREAK OUT!
It went something like this:

These flies are so annoying. WHY ARE YOU SO SLOW, FLIES? Where did the third one go? To the bathroom? I hate you guys. You don't even make fly noises. You are slow and quiet and.........
WAIT! WHY DON'T I EVER SEE DEAD FLIES?
(I got up and checked under the bed. I walked slowly around the apartment staring at the floor. I rushed to the bathroom and then returned to the bed.)
WHERE DO YOU GO TO DIE? WHY ARE THERE NO BODIES?
WAIT! There are always three of you. Why are there always three flies? Are you the same flies? I thought flies only lived for like a day. ARE YOU THE SAME FLIES?
What if it all starts with flies? Fly zombies. Fly zombies eat dead animals and then land on people's food..........THAT IS HOW IT BEGINS!
WHERE ARE THE DEAD FLIES?
I must be tired. It's hard to get rest when your body won't stop going to the bathroom. That must be it. Right? There are no fly zombies. I'm just tired.
WHO IS TIRED AT 4PM? IT ALL STARTS WITH THE FLIES!

And then I had to rush to the bathroom again. By the time I came out of the bathroom....well.....I'm pretty sure I've calmed down.
I still don't see any dead flies. So, I'm pretty sure I've calmed down. Maybe.

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Leah English?

Did you know that was a thing? I'm starting to think that Leah English is 
beautiful and majestic dialect. 
Example......

Today I had one of my classes write a short story using personification. I wrote an example story about a talking orange that was afraid to go to school. 
(The other fruit kids made fun of him and called him a fatty grapefruit. So he hung out with a watermelon to feel smaller. QUALITY stuff.)
I gave them about 20 minutes to write, we took a break, and then they shared the stories with the class. (Only 4 boys came today. The two girls in the class were absent.)
So, of course, most of the stories were about things killing things. But, VERY CLEVER!
I told one boy that his idea was very clever, but his grammar was so bad that I had a hard time understanding some of the sentences. So, we need to work on his grammar....cause the ideas are there! Communicating the idea....not so much....
Later on in class, the bad grammar boy said something that peeved another boy. Peeved boy turns to bad grammar boy and says, "well, maybe if your grammar was better, Leah wouldn't want to punch you in the face."

My first thought: I should watch what I say around kids.
My second thought: MY BABIES ARE LEARNING!

The end.