So, last night I was up until the wee hours of the morning.
I'll give you just a moment to think about all of the amazing things I could have been doing......
I don't know what you thought, but every single one of you was wrong.
I was wandering around my apartment hunting a mosquito. I'm sorry, let me rephrase that...I was wandering around my apartment trying to kill the state of Iowa that was dressed as a mosquito.
You guys, this thing was so big, it made a buzzing sound like a bee. It was ginormousbyhuge...and it WOULD NOT DIE!
First, I heard it....I was reading, so I wasn't really paying attention. But, I kept wondering what that sound was.....
And then it landed on my arm. I jumped. I swatted it. It flew away lazily with a dented leg.....
Then, I followed it to my closet and hit it with a shoe. It flew away lazily with a missing leg.....I know this because the leg was LONG ENOUGH for me to notice it still sticking to my shoe.
The buzzing stopped for a bit. I actually thought it had gone somewhere to die. I was relieved. I got ready for bed around 1....I did a final sweep and turned out the light.
I wasn't in bed long when the buzzing started just over my ear. I shouted something like, "how are you NOT DEAD?" Then, I got out of bed and turned the light back on. I was on a mission. I was determined!
It was on the ceiling. So, I grabbed another shoe and threw it at the ceiling. I don't know if I hit Iowa, but I did leave a perfect shoe print.....it's actually almost too perfect to clean off (so, I haven't yet)....
Gigantor the Blood Sucker wandered over to the ugly drapes. I went and found my bug spray. I sprayed him/her/it/Iowa. Nothing. I sprayed again. Twitching ensued...and then flying lazily away. I shouted again, "I can't sleep thinking you are going to eat me! How are you not dead?"
Side Note: At this point it is just after 1:30 and my neighbor decides at this point to start blasting Adele.
I wandered around and listened. I looked. I put my glasses back on and looked some more....I thought about my level of craziness. I decided that it would be okay to laugh about my level of craziness tomorrow....but, for now....I was Arnold and the mosquito was Predator. AND I WAS NOT LAUGHING!
There was no buzzing. I couldn't find Iowa. So, finally, at about 2 am...I decided that I was too tired to care anymore. Gigantor the Blood Sucker was either dead, or he/she/it/State Fair of Death would be eating my face.
So, I woke up this morning! I still have a face! And the thing....THE THING.....seems to be dead.
Side Note 2: I'm still not laughing about my craziness. I'm blaming China for my craziness.
Side Note 3: When I return to America I will need help coming up with more excuses for my craziness. (Global Warming?)