Saturday, December 31, 2011


Dear 2012,

You are going to be a very interesting year for me. And you aren't wasting any time either!!! I go to LA on the 9th.........and then I'm moving to China. China. You heard me right.
I'm very excited to see what you have planned for me. I imagine that you are going to be a crazy year, but I hope that you are crazy good.
I'm very excited to teach English. I love the English language. I'm so excited to share it with people.

But, 2012, will you do me a favor? I'm a little bit scared about the lonely part. The isolation part of this sort of freaks me out.
So, will you be gentle? Thanks.

Shall we make it fantastic? I think we can!


Random Memory

I don't know why, but yesterday I was struck with a random memory. I found it so random, and yet, interesting....I wanted to share it with you.

I don't remember the name of the girl I was, she will be called Jane in this story. But, maybe I'm also protecting the innocent? Who knows.

Imagine this: 11 year old Leah and her 11 year old friend, Jane. They are wandering around BYU campus. Leah's dad is going to pick them up outside the art gallery. So, the girls get to the pick up point about 30 minutes early and have some time to kill.
This is what happens:

We were on the second floor looking out over the people wandering around the first floor. A girl with tons of red hair sat directly underneath us. I was admiring her hair.
"She has really pretty hair," I said. "I wish I had red hair."
"No you don't."
"Yes I do."
"You like brown hair," Jane said. She sighed. "What are we going to do until your dad gets here?"
"I don't know." I started playing with the gum in my mouth. I stretched it, twisted it and turned it. "I need to throw away my gum."
Jane looked around for a garbage can, but the one she found was downstairs. "There's one downstairs."
"K. Let's go. I want to see what her hair looks like from up close."
"No you don't. Let's find a garbage can up here."
"Jane, I can like red hair. Hey! Do you want to see if I can make it into the garbage can from here?"
"Okay. Are you sure?"
"I bet you can't make it."
"But, what if I can?" I took the gum out of my mouth and walked a few feet to position myself over the trash can.
"You can't. So, don't do it. Let's go find one up here." Jane stood up and came over to me. She grabbed my arm just as I let go of the gum.
And we watched it fall slightly sideways......into the beautiful head of hair. The beautiful head of hair turned to look up at us. Jane ran away. I followed.
The woman with red hair was fast. My mind was racing. It was an accident. A stupid accident! I didn't want to get into trouble. I was determined not to get into trouble.
So, I stopped. I thought a sad thought and started to cry. I took a deep breath....and turned to face the woman with the red hair.
"I'm so sorry Sara did that to you!"
The woman stopped. She was holding a wad of her hair. Cut. Stuck to the gum. She shoved it into my face. "Look what you did!" (I remember wondering how she found scissors so fast)
"Sara did it! She did it and she ran away. I can't believe she would do such a thing. Jane and I were trying to find her."
The woman faltered a bit. But, shoved the wad of hair into my face again. "Why did you run away if you didn't do anything?"
"We were trying to find Sara."
Jane walked up behind me. She looked so confused. I hoped she wouldn't say anything to ruin it.
So....the woman came with us. For twenty minutes we looked for 'Sara' and couldn't find her. I finally told the woman with beautiful hair that my dad was going to be picking us up soon.
So, she sat down and wrote a letter to Sara's parents. Chiding them for raising a child that would do such a horrible thing and then run away.
She walked us to my dad's car and told me to give the letter to Sara's parents. She opened the door and asked my dad to make sure I give the letter to Sara's parents.
He looked confused too.
I don't remember how I convinced my dad that I could give them the letter myself.
I do remember Jane calling me a horrible liar and a few other names.

But, here is why it is such an interesting memory to me- I remember that I didn't feel like a liar. I was acting. In my head, I was acting. I had taken on a character and created a story in the time that it took the woman to catch up with us.......and I dove into the "play."
I find that fascinating! I knew the difference between right and wrong! But, I guess my "training" as an actor had messed with my young mind a bit. Because I had lied. It was an accident! Why did I feel the need to lie about it????
I do wonder why that memory came upon me yesterday. Maybe I needed to be reminded about not blurring the lines between right and wrong. Maybe I still want red hair. I'm not sure where it came from....but, there is a lesson in there. I hope I hear it....

Monday, December 26, 2011

Feeling Old?

My niece turns 18 tomorrow. She is the second niece to turn 18 this year. They were both born the year I turned 15. (One of them was actually born on my birthday)
But, that isn't the part that makes me feel old.
I had two friends in junior high that got pregnant when we were 14. They had babies the summer we turned 15. I had moved away by the time the babies were born. We moved to St., I never met the babies.
But, that still isn't the part that makes me feel old....
We went to dinner for Sid's birthday. Fantastic Italian food!!!! I thought we had a lovely evening.
I was thinking about how Sid is going to graduate from high school........and be an adult and junk.
And then I thought.......I know two people MY AGE that have kids graduating from high school.
That made me feel old for them.
I still don't really feel old.
Well, I do a little. But, mostly.......people my age have teenagers. I bet they feel old sometimes. Sheesh. How are we old enough to have teenagers?

K. So, that is what my brain is thinking about. I can't sleep. My brain needs to shut up. We can continue the thinking tomorrow......

Thursday, December 22, 2011


K. I need to rant for a second. Please excuse me for a moment. If I don't get it out...I won't be able to stop thinking about it.

Sometimes you have bad experiences with "Christians." I hate it when those "Christians" make you feel like you don't believe in Jesus because you don't hate gay people.
Listen, hate is Satan's job. So...maybe you are right. Maybe I don't believe in YOUR Jesus. Because the Jesus I believe in doesn't teach us to hate. He COMMANDS us to love one another.
Also, genius "Christian" people....not hating gay people doesn't make me gay. I don't care that you think I'm gay. I care that you think that is the only way for me to "tolerate" them.
What am I tolerating exactly? My friends finding love? My friends going on dates? My straight friends do that too. doesn't seem like that big of a deal.
To you, it doesn't seem like that big of a deal because you assume I don't believe in YOUR Jesus. Well, fine. I guess that is your problem.
Because, one day, I hope you realize how loudly Satan is laughing while you are spreading the hate that comes directly from him. And then I hope you realize that what you should have been spreading was the LOVE THAT RADIATES FROM JESUS.

K. I think I'm done. For now.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Dear 'The Gap'

I know you are busy. You are a really big company and you do a lot of business year, I won't take up too much of your time.
I really just have one thing to say. For now......
If I made the softest, most comfortable, seriously comfortable underwear on the planet....I WOULD NOT STOP SELLING IT.

Thank you for your time,


Saturday, December 3, 2011

Horrible Wednesday

I was in my room on Wednesday. I was watching Glee online. I heard this HUGE crash outside...I jumped up off the bed and went to the window........nothing. Couldn't see anything, but I stood there for a minute wondering what could have caused such an awful noise.
My sister was downstairs sewing. She had the TV on pretty loud (so she could hear it over the sewing machine). She didn't hear the crash.......
But, 10-15 minutes later, someone started banging on the front door. They were hitting the doorbell over and over again and banging on the door. My sister answered to find an officer there. The officer told her that someone had hit the car out front....the man said he tried to knock on the door. My sister pointed to the sewing machine and said, "I've been sitting there for the past hour. No one has knocked on my door until you got here."
By this time I was coming down the stairs and I had started crying. My car was the only car out front. Someone had hit my car. My car.....THAT WASN'T DOING ANYTHING. Just parked out in front of the house......
My sister told me it was going to be okay. But, then she walked outside and walked DOWN THE STREET to pick up my side view mirror.
I couldn't help it. I just started crying. Hard.
The dude that hit me (he just moved in a few houses down) drove his car back up the street at that talk to the officer. 
The officer started talking to him and asked me to go get my DL. I did. And then I asked if I could get my camera to take pictures. The officer told me I was allowed to do whatever I want. 
So, I turned and yelled at the man. "I didn't hear any brakes. You didn't even try to stop. All I heard was the crash. You didn't even try to stop."
And then I went to get my camera and started taking pictures. I must have stepped on glass.....because I noticed at some point that my foot was bleeding all over the street.
The officer handed the man three tickets. He handed me back my DL. He said to the man, "here is a ticket for speeding, this one is for driving on the wrong side of the road, and this one is for improperly reporting an accident." (I don't remember what the last ticket was for had something to do with driving away from the scene and not reporting properly. But, at this point I had noticed all the blood coming from my foot and I was distracted.)
The man was holding the tickets away from his body. Then the conversation went like this-
Man- What do I do with these?
Officer- You pay them. You pay them within the next 20 days.
Man- No. I'm a good driver. I was going the speed limit.
Officer- Sir, there is no way you were going the speed limit and did this kind of damage. 
Man- I'm a good driver. My son was in the car.
Officer- This is a straight road. No curves. There is no reason for you to be driving on the other side of the road. Why were you driving on the wrong side of the road?
Man- There must be something wrong with my car. (He was still holding the tickets away from he hoped the officer would just take them back.)
Officer- What do you think is wrong with your car?
Man- The brakes.
Officer- Sir, if something was wrong with the still would not cause you to drive on the wrong side of the road. You were not paying attention.
Man- (laughs) I'm a good driver. I do not drive down streets to hit cars.
Officer- Sir, you need to admit that you weren't paying attention.
Man- (laughs) I was going the speed limit.
Me- Sir, I'm TERRIBLY sorry that you find this funny. (point at my car) THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Officer- Ma'am, you have all of his information. Go and call the insurance and get the policy started. You can call me if you need anything else. But, the insurance should take care of everything for you. I need to go write up the report. Do you have any other questions?
Me- No. I guess not.

Then the man and the officer left. He never apologized. To my sister (when I was in the house getting my ID and camera), to the officer, to me......he never said one word of apology. I think that is what makes me the most angry. 
I called my insurance.....she called his insurance........the tow truck guy came. I said, "guess what? The guy that did this said he was going the speed limit." The tow truck guy looked at my car. "Bullshit," he said. "Tell me about it," I said.
We couldn't get the driver side door open. He had to use a crowbar to try and unbend the rear rim enough to get my spare on. 
Yesterday I got a voice mail. I had called to ask if there was any kind of update....or if my car had just been totaled. The voice mail said that it was going to be close. But, they didn't have all the parts, and the places he needed to call to get pricing on the parts had closed. So, he would have to finish the estimate on Monday. But, the message said that I need two new doors and the accident took out the rear axle.
....................SPEED LIMIT?! Right.

Anyway...............that is why I didn't like Wednesday very much...........